listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize