I accidentally burped into my bong.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
