he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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