I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
