Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
