Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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