Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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