She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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