So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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