My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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