She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
