We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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