dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
