Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
