You just made me feel so damn special
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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