my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
