How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
