I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
