I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
