shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
