This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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