This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
