I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Where is the hickey?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
