Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize
