Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
