you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
