how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
