mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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