how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
