Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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