I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
