Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
