hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
