go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
