dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
