I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
barbara walters just said penis...
he puts the penis in happiness.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
