To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
