I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
