We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
