So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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