I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
