there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
