I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
wow bdsm is so cute
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
