32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
