is your mom at the bar?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
