No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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