I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is it because I queefed?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
