Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
