come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
