repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
