in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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