New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
