Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
