in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
