I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
