as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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