Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
