I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize