So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize