This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
