I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
