I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
