his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
