plz talk dirty to me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
