God, you're like boner-b-gone
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
