If that was your dad, he is hot
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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