so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Never joke about your clitoris.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
