I love black thongs
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
