I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
