either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
