I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize