You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Let's paint friendship bongs
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
