I wanna bring you to show and tell
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
