it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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