so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize